9-11 Update

Today is 9-11 a date that will go down in history. The day the towers came down. I remember waking up that morning and turning on the tv ( I do that in the morning so I can see what time it is so I wont be late for school). I saw the plane crash into one building. I thought can this be real. I headed off to school not knowing what was going on. I turned on the radio to hear that the Sears tower might be a target that's when I knew something was wrong and I headed back home. My brother was downstairs with my dad. I was scared I didnt' know what was happening. It still scares me sometimes that it might happen again. So it was hard going into the hospital this morning and knowing I was there for a check up. It is a number that causes panic. I wanted the doctor to tell me I was ok and I had no tumors but she didn't she said I have to do a biopsy instead. I went numb. But I am not going to let this affect me I wont give it power. I know God is in control. So I have to go back in 3 weeks for the results. I know God will get me through this. As far as my weight-loss i'm 402 and i'm down 5 lbs since last week when I was 407. I am going to try to lose 3 lbs so I can get out of the fourest for good. I am excited about this week I will continue to walk as much as possible and work on getting sleep. I will not quit!

Stress!

Stress, stress, and more stress... Omg stress! lol I really need to get a handle on my stress. People are stressing me out. School is stressing me out. I can not get a grip on how to manage my stress and its messing me up physically and mentally. I can't sleep, i'm eating uncontrollably. My diabetes has gone out of control. If I keep going on like this. I probably will have some kind of breakdown, nervous and or otherwise. I am working on creating balance in my life, but it's not going to be easy to schedule my life especially when I have always been such a free spirit, but it has to be done or else I don't think I will be able to make it 'till Christmas i'm getting sever chest pains and palpitations and anxiety attacks about a lot of things. I think this is God's way of telling me to slow down and to get rid of the things that are causing me stress like people I don't really need in my life and to put myself first before others. I thank God for showing me what I need to do. God says to love your neighbor as you love yourself. But I need to love myself first before I can love my neighbor. God take the stress away please. Amen.

End of Week Two of School

So I managed to survive two weeks of school so far. Which is incredible. I had a very bad weekend. On Saturday I was extremely depressed. I even contemplated dropping out of school. Convincing myself that I wasn't ready. I was stressing out about a paper I had due Monday. I couldn't concentrate at all. But thank God for Nadia my angel. She is the one who got me through this. I don't know what I would have done if she wasn't here to talk me through this. I get easily overwhelmed but she has taught me to take things one step at a time. My eating has been horrible I wouldn't be surprised if I gained another 10 lbs this week. The scale read 407. Which means i'm still down 21 lbs. Since I started at 428 the day I started Jenny back in March. Let's hope I can start new this school week. I plan on getting back on track on Monday. So here are the goals for this week...

• Take water to school
• Take stairs avoid temptation to take elevator
• Eat breakfast
• Sleep early
• Wake up early
• Spend time with God
• Do my homework
• Exercise
• Seek counseling for depression
• Take all meds and prescriptions
• Do something fun