Thanksgiving Sucks!

It's not that I hate this holiday, its that I hate the weight-gain. Just when I was down to around 434 for my bday 3 weeks ago. I have gained 7 lbs, bringing me back up to 441... only 9 lbs away from 450 a number that I do not want to hit. I am sick of eating. I made a turkey this year and ate about 4 helpings and leftovers the next day. I'm such a freaking pig. I didn't eat because I was hungry. I ate because I was using food as a way of coping with all of my emotions like I always do. There was too many things going on in my life at this moment and food seems like the only thing that soothes me. I really hate myself so much right now. I wish I could turn back and throw up all that turkey, I guess I went on a binge. If I start to eat and throw up I am afraid I will get into a bad habit of doing that. I can't handle so much going on right now. I think i'm going to go mad or insane. If I share with people whats going on they automatically assume its my mate and its not. It's everyone else. I am going to try really hard next year to get myself together because if I don't I will be at a worse place than I am now. God please help me.