Happy Belated New Year 2015!!!!

I admit 2015 started off slow, I was complaining about how the wheels in motion were not starting and it was starting to really aggravate me. So, this year is THE YEAR!!! Finally, I decided to do something permanent about my weight. Last year I was not sure if I really wanted the surgery, because I was still able to handle my weight, but after getting sick and being in the hospital. Those extra 50 pounds has really took it's toll on me. I am almost at the 500 mark and I know if I let myself get any bigger, chances are that I wont make it. I have been craving for changes and not food. I want to start a new life. I want a new body. I want to be around 399 for my bday this year. I will be 33. It's an age that I thought I would never get to. Growing up with the family I did, every birthday was a doomsday. I was told how I would never make it to 20 then 25 then 30. Well now i'm past 30 and my dreams of ever being a mom have sunk in deep. I thought I really was in menopause since I missed my period for 15 months, but a month ago it started back up. It's light and I love it. I just can't get heavy bleeding since I'm hoping my surgery will be in a few months. I am preparing myself for this surgery mentally more than physically. Right now i'm enjoying the foods that I know I wont ever have in the future. I would have started on my scheduling sooner than the end of January, but with my dad needing radiation for his cancer, I thought I would be put on the back-burner once again, like I have been my whole life. But, I have a feeling that this is THE YEAR, this is MY YEAR!!! I'm excited and nervous and very anxious, but I know it will all be worth it. I have tried and failed every time, and I know this surgery will not fail me, and I will not fail it. So, I have scheduled my first Eval (Evaluation) Appointment and before that I will go to a seminar to get more informed about the surgery. I am also trying to get some type of therapy and maybe find a support group for before and after surgery. This journey will be a lonely one. A journey of heartache and grief, but sometimes this is what makes people who they are. This surgery is either going to make me or break me. So for now this is it. I will update as soon as I get more information from the doctors. I hope everyones journey is full of more sweet than bitter. This journey is hard, whether it is with or without surgery. Jesus give me the strength to endure. Amen.